think rainbows

Physically, they may be gone. But in our hearts and minds, they will remain forever.

When a loved one's sick, and the doctors have already told you that they're not going to last very long, how do you prepare yourself? Simple. You just can't.

It is always hard to lose someone you love. Even though each time you see them you think that they're not going to last very long, when that moment comes, it just happens, and will still take you by surprise.

Me and my brother, together with our cousins (in our mom's side) are lucky to have a number of grandmothers and grandfathers to whom we've grown very close to. We owe it all to our parents, uncles, aunts, and of course to our grandmothers and grandfathers. They did a very good job of keeping the family close; keeping the family together. Lola Felisa and Lolo Entong must be very happy and proud of their bunch. :) We'll do our very best to continue this.

Yesterday was a sad day for our Lucas family though. We lost a very dear Ate/Nanay/Lola. She's not my maternal grandmother, she's my mom's aunt, but we were very close to her. I remember my dad fondly called her 'Lola Taba' because she was a big woman back then. She took care of me when I was 2 years old, and she also took care of my mom during my mom's younger days. She was a very strict disciplinarian, but with a very generous and loving heart. Attesting to that is the time when she made me stand in the corner because I was being too makulit. But still, she would cook me my favorites, spaghetti or giniling (even if I always remove the green peas and the raisins).

Lola Gunding has been battling with the big C for quite some time already, and she's been very strong about it. We all admire her for being so courageous despite everything that is happening in her life. Even if she only had one son, she has seen to it that we won't see her as someone weak or someone who's really sick, and that we would pity her. Though she has been makulit a few times too, we try to care for her even in simple ways that we know would bring her joy, like surprising her during her last birthday celebration.

It has also been months since we knew that her condition wasn't going to get any better. She knew about it too, and has courageously, as always, accepted her fate. We all wanted to do something about it, but she was the one who was indirectly telling us 'No, it's okay.' And of course, what else could we do than be strong for her too. We didn't want her to suffer more either, so we accepted her decision as well.

And yesterday was the day. Early morning phone calls usually either bring bad news, or a happy birthday greeting. Well at least you could expect the latter. The least thing you'd want to hear is 'wala na siya.' Despite us all knowing her condition, we were still shocked and very much saddened by this news. Our only relief was that we were lucky to not see her in pain; she had a peaceful passing.

Unfortunately since it was market day for my mom, I had to do the most dreadful thing I'd ever want to do. I needed to tell my mom that Lola Gunding was gone. (Even harder than saying or hearing 'break na tayo.' At least you could still revive or get a new relationship.) I was able to, and luckily I only had to do it with my mom. Next thing I knew, we were at her home, then at the funeral homes looking at chapels, coffins, checking her makeup, and relatives started arriving. It still hasn't fully sunk in I think, and I'm pretty sure that it will sink in more and more once we've said our final goodbyes.

I admire the closeness of our Lucas family, especially during moments like this. Since Lola Gunding only had one son (Uncle Mar), and her husband's not here, Uncle Mar had no one else to turn to aside from his wife, his two kids (one is 8 years old, the other is 3 years old), and my other Lola (Lola Gunding's sister) who lives with them too. Our initial instinct was of course to help him with everything that has to be done. We were already there even before he could ask if we could come. My mom, her sisters and cousins, as well as me, kuya and our other cousins, were immediately available to help him with almost everything. Lola Gunding's living brothers, and as I've mentioned, her sister were immediately present too.

Uncle Mar didn't even have to ask, everyone was already offering whatever help they could give. They were all confiding with each other and making decisions as a whole family. But of course, final decision was still with Uncle Mar. And I saw how easier it was for Uncle Mar to have all of us by his side during this time, helping out with everything. It made me think that I'd want us cousins to be like that as well; and for the next generations to come. And I'm positive we'll be able to do that too. (Not soon though! Or just in other occasions I mean.)

It is ironic but I love spending time with family during this time because we are all together almost everyday. It's not a very pretty scene to be having family reunions, though that's what usually happens, but it helps lift everyone's mood. Even though we don't do much, aside from kwento, eat, eat, and eat, and laugh from time to time, we love being around each other, especially when we're complete. Come Saturday, or even Friday evening, it'll be busier and louder than ever at the chapel for sure.

Thank You Lord for bringing me to such a wonderful family. Thank you Lola Felisa for doing such a great job with our family. Thank you Lola Gunding for all the time you've spent with us. For taking care of me and my mom and everyone else, for always cooking great food for everyone even if I think I was the only one who did not really enjoy your special dinuguan, for being such a great disciplinarian with a very loving heart, and for being just the way you are. We will miss you, just like how much we miss everyone up there. Do not worry about us now, okay? Say hi to them for us, and give all our hugs and kisses to them too. We love you! :)

P.S.
Lola, paki-kamusta na rin ako kay Kuya Danes, and to anyone else na kilala ko diyan. =P