think rainbows

*another late post*

Well, what do you know, New Year is ushered in, Chinese New Year passes by, and then it's Valentine's Day. Honestly, every year, I always think if I'd be spending Valentine's Day differently than the last. So far, it has always just been the same, just another ordinary day. (Except for the surroundings probably.)

This day still had a different atmosphere to it even though technically it's still an ordinary day. Early morning I keep on seeing people carrying bouquets of beautiful flowers, which made me realize when will I receive another beautiful bouquet.

At the office, some of my officemates gave chocolates to everyone in celebration of Valentine's Day. The Ferrero and the M&M's are still in our refrigerator. Thanks Alvin and Kevin!

On my way home it was the same, people with different Valentine's day gifts were all around. I decided to stay away from the mall, which was a good idea I think. We had a some sort of a special dinner at home. Mom cooked pasta and bought a cake, and I bought some roasted chicken. Perfect way to end a day dedicated to love, to be with the ones you love, and those who love you.



Mom and I also had a pre-Valentine date the Sunday before Valentine's Day. Since we were fans of the Star Wars series, we decided to watch Star Wars Episode 1 3D at the cinemas then had dinner at Joey Pepperoni, her treat this time. Thanks Ma! =D

As what they always say, Valentine's Day is not just a day for couples and the like. As long as you have the people you love around you, friends, family, partners, you can always celebrate Valentine's Day in any way. Feel the love! =D <3

Before I turned 20, I've always thought my lovelife was boring. Nothing special in it. I fall for a guy who's either taken, pursuing someone else, or who just doesn't really care at all. That's just about it. And I was fine with it. I wasn't so emo-ish about it although yes, it is somewhat sad, because the feeling's not reciprocated of course. The ultimate wish then was to have a boyfriend. (kahit nga ligaw lang! LOL.) Wish granted. After i turned 20, things changed.

It was almost everything I wanted. It was lovely, fun, I didn't want it to end. But months before I turned 22, I finally woke up from the dream. It was heartbreaking. It was horrible. You know how they say that the first cut is the deepest? I think that's really true. Lucky are those who didn't even have to go through that. Anyway, that's not the point of this post.

I snapped back to reality. I was back to having the boring lovelife. At first I had a hard time adjusting, because as shy as I am to admit it, yes I wanted a second chance with that past love, but it never happened. So I had to learn to move one. We all have to at some point, right? It took me a pretty long time, but at least I can say that I'm past that now.

I've started liking, falling for guys again who's either taken, pursuing someone else, or who just doesn't really care at all. But unlike before, it wasn't so easy to be just fine with it. It's still sad of course, but I had a different approach to it now. If before I would easily be content as long as they're there or as long as the kilig factor with simple gestures that they do is there, it's fine. But now, when I like someone and find out that he's taken or even just pursuing someone else, I would just suddenly back out. As if I could teach my heart to suddenly stop beating 'no? I would start thinking what's the use of liking him if that's the case? In simple words, mas palaban yata ako nuon kesa ngayon. I even probably had more confidence then, than now? (Or, no, that's not the case naman yata. Ay ewan.)

But I still get past the early I-like-you-but-I-changed-my-mind phase. I mean, I couldn't really just shut down what my heart feels. It will feel what it will feel, and I have to go with it; so I give in. I've missed the kilig feelings. When your crush talks to you, or texts you, or even just looks your way and he almost catches you looking at him. As well as the butterflies in your stomach when he compliments you, or when you daydream about the two of you. There's a lot more emo-ness in me these days, thinking about things like how I can never actually be with him, or how impossible this seems, and thinking about just giving up. But I don't wanna lose the feeling, so I just let it be. If I like him, I like him.

I've really noticed changes on how I approach love now, after everything that has happened. There's probably fear, or caution, but I'd like to believe too that I haven't lost hope, or rather that I won't lose hope. (And that I stop becoming so impatient.) I've always prayed for love in my heart. One heartbreak doesn't mean the end of love for me. Things may have changed but love still remains. Sabi nga ng Powerpuff girls, love makes the world go 'round 'diba? I guess I just have to do the waiting game again.

P.S.
Cupid! Next time, hit both? As in 'yung sagad sa buto? =))

Probably the saying "Love is blind" was taken from this very quote, or vice versa. We find ourselves saying "I don't even know why I like him/her so much", and I somehow find it a bit true. We may not know it consciously, but our heart probably does, especially if it makes you happy. Besides, the heart does all the feeling and the liking and other stuff like that, so it'll know. It may be wrong at times, stupid even, but hey, that's how we live and learn, right?

We may acknowledge the feeling immediately, or just ignore the truth. It's still our choice anyway. Acknowledge it because we like it even though we don't know why. Ignore it because we really don't get why, or because we don't like it at all. As for me? Go with it, don't restrict yourself, especially if it makes you happy. You have the power, by all means, to choose to be happy. Why let yourself feel miserable if the happiness is presented right in front of you? Exactly. :)

P.S.
But remember, everything has their limitations; depending on your situation. I'm pretty sure you're old enough to know when it's too much. =D

I've always found it hard to wake up early every morning, but today was an exception. I am pretty excited and pumped up, though yawning was unavoidable.

It was a fine January morning. You can still feel the coldness brought about by the cold front, or something like that. I met up with the group, and of course, you were there, smiling as always. This was pretty much the highlight of why waking up early today isn't so bad, because I get to see you. We all went to the room, did our thing, and finally it ended. There was not much to do, classes weren't about to start yet, so we all had time to hang out. Although it was obviously cold, we still chose to eat cold stuff, inside a cold place, laughing at our own stories. All these coldness didn't stop my heart from feeling so warm, just by your presence. See what you've done?

We were all joking around, I was starting to feel jealous because of that much attention you give her. How I wish you were like that to me as well. The stories ended, we all said our goodbyes, then went on our separate ways. There were times throughout the day, I was reminiscing what happened that early morning, and thinking that I wish we'd have more hangouts like that. It was fun, and I liked spending time with you. I didn't realize, things were about to change, and I'd get my wish, somehow.

Now that I realize it, it's been 5 years...

Weird pala no, when both of you know that you have (had?) feelings for each other, but it just doesn't work out in any way. Or could it be that you both haven't given it a chance yet? One small act could change it all.

Schedule has been crazy ever since December started; just like how it has always been in the past years. This year's extra special since my Dad is here for the holidays after so many years. He arrived last December 7, and now it's only about 9 days before he leaves again. Yes, time flies. And ever since he arrived, we've always had somewhere to go during the weekends. So we really haven't had a free weekend that much. 

Maybe God gave me you,

so that I'd have a reason to smile when I'm feeling blue.

But then you're not really mine, still I know it will be fine.

For as long as you're there, suddenly, my days could get better.

I may not always tell you this
But now I will try and do so
To give appreciation to what you do
And let the whole world know too.

To you who befriended me,
To you who shared stories with me,
To you who let me know you,
To you, thank you.

To you who accompanied me,
To you who easily say yes,
To you who make yourself available to me,
I appreciate you, thank you.

To you who kept me out of boredom,
To you who laughed with me,
To you who patiently listened to me,
For everything, thank you.

To you who I sometimes take for granted,
To you who I may have ignored before,
To you who I may have hurt directly or indirectly,
Forgive me, I'm sorry.

To you who may be surprised with what's to come in the next lines,
To you who made me smile with or without knowing it,
To you who's made a lover out of me again,
I shyly admit to you, I admire you.

There goes my message to you as honest as it can be
Forgive me if you were surprised, you're not the only one, believe me
I hope you appreciate what I've done and that between us, friends always it will be.
Once again, to you, thank you. (A simple you're welcome would do.)

:)

Found myself
in a not-so-unfamiliar place.
Been here before
but with a different face.

Will embark on a new journey
to an undefined territory.
Armed with nothing but myself
and the experiences from the memory shelf.

A bit doubtful actually
still isn't 100% clear.
The mind wonders if it's real,
but the heart says "aren't you feeling surreal?"

Wanted to be sure
so I had to ask for a bit of help;
some felt like they were signs
But all were pointing to one clear direction: go for it.

So here I am, braving the storm
unsure of what's ahead.
I could be hurt, but for all I care.
We've only got one life to live.
So just go with the flow, and let the rest follow.

If this is really for me, then I'll take it openly,
whatever the reason may be.
I'll be forever thankful for success, and won't give up with defeat
for I know in every journey, He is with me.

It's funny how we become friends with some people.

Some you meet during the first day of school. You'd think at first you wouldn't get along well, but in the end it turns out they become one of your closest friends.

Some you meet along the way, from different places, different groups. They become acquaintances, people whom you greet along the corridors, and then you become close to some, but lose the others as well, and you start to hang out.

Some you meet through a common friend. You click with some, but not that much with others. You might even become closer than your friendship with the common friend.

Some you meet through technology. Either you both have interest in it, or it was thru the use of technology that you two were able to meet. And surprisingly, some stay as your friend, while the others remain a stranger.

Others you'll meet at that one place, won't be friends at first, then you meet again at another place, and then get to know each other more, or talk with each other more, and you realize that you get along well with each other. They now become one of your close friends.

Sometimes it really doesn't matter how long you've known a person for you to become the closest of friends. It's also about how you treat each other, how long you're willing to stay as friends and who's going to be there when the going gets tough. :)

You may start losing some but as you go on meeting different kinds of people and going to different places, time and time again, you can make new friends and create a different story with each one.

And who knows, among one of those friends, someone becomes more than just a friend. :)

*this was supposed to be for yesterday, I'm so great that I forgot. =))*

June 15, 2011

15...14...13...12...11...10...

Halfway mark of the halfway month of the year. Kuha mo? =))

It's June! As if it wasn't that obvious. Gusto ko lang i-emphasize. =D

It's one of my favorite months, although it is usually a very rainy month, and I only like rain as long as I'm not commuting. This month's always been special to me, probably because of it being my birthday month. Yes, in 10 days time, i'll be turning a year older. As they say, age is just a number, and I don't feel like I'm.....at all! (Do your own math!)

Other people my age have achieved a lot already, some even have their own families. As for me, I believe I'm just at the beginning. I'm still in the path to self-discovery, and no I did not quote that from some movie or some person. It's a general thought, really. And it's true.

I'm not saying that I haven't achieved anything yet, but I believe I can do so much more, and I want to. They're just waiting to be discovered. It's just a matter of right timing and having the resources to do these things. Whatever they may be, I will be ready. And as my age increments, I kind of start having a different kind of life. Not the Pepito Manaloto different kind of life, but you know, I start doing things I wasn't able to do before, I start making bigger decisions, I start meeting different kinds of people, and I start knowing myself more. I'm still young, and as what adults always tell you, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Marami ka pang kakaining bigas. Marami ka pang madidiscover. Marami ka pang pwedeng gawin.

But still, even though I'm having life changing moments, I'm still me, or that's what I generally think. But there are times too that I don't even know who I am anymore, or I don't know what I want to do anymore. I guess it's all part of the changes. It's all for the better. Confusing lang at times. Makes you think about life in a lot of different perspectives.

And now, about my very special day. I always want to celebrate my birthday and I'm always excited for it. It just happens once a year and it's the only day that people would text you and greet you because it's YOUR day. It's fun! So I just don't get it about people who don't like celebrating their birthdays, or keep their birthdays a secret or whatever. Oh well, people are different.

For this year, I don't know what I'll be doing on that day. If we're going out, or if I'm inviting friends over at our house, or if I'm treating people outside, or it'll be just family, or family and friends. I'm not sure yet, but if possible, I'd love to celebrate it on the day itself with family and friends. Pero kahit iba-ibang araw okay na rin, basta I get to celebrate my birthday with them. If it's possible to squeeze them all in that one day, I would, but I think that's pretty hard, and I wouldn't get to spend much time with each one of them. Sayang kung ganun. So, I just hope that I'd get to celebrate my birthday with them in any way possible and that we'd all have as much fun as possible. (Wait lang guys ha mag-ch-check pa ko ng budget. LOL.)

I'm actually not thinking of a birthday wish list right now. Naks! =)) So mag-u-update na lang ako kapag meron na.

Ay, I know what I like. I'd love a surprise. =D

Ciao for now!

"I got chills, they're multiplyin', and I'm losing control. 'Cause the power you're supplying, it's electrifying!"

It all started with Google and the keywords "dance studio"/"dance school". Next thing I knew I was debating with myself whether to call, to email, or to just send a text message to this dance studio I've never heard of before.

Late last year I've started dancing again. I found this studio in Quezon City which offers hiphop classes for a low price. It was too far from my place so I really didn't get to go there frequently, but just the same, I enjoyed the two dance classes I was able to go to. When 2011 entered, I included in my new year's resolutions to dance again. And last February, I was able to get a head start for it.

I started searching for a dance studio that's either near the office or near our house. I was able to find one near the office, although they offered ballroom classes. I was hoping for some hiphop classes, but since I'm not new to ballroom anyway, I thought it was okay. I thought about it for days, weeks, if I was going to continue and enroll in this dance studio. (The discount played a huge role in the decision-making process.=P) I searched for everything I could find about the dance studio before deciding to make a call. That was a Thursday, then Tuesday the following week, classes had begun.

I was nervous at first because I didn't know what to expect. The only thing I thought about was that I might be the youngest in the class, I mean since it's ballroom and not a lot of teens are into that unlike if it's hiphop, right? It might be hard to make new friends. I was right, and I was wrong. I was right that I might be the youngest among the students, until there was this two guys who I think were only in high school or college. But they didn't last, so I was still the youngest, although the scholars of the studio were younger. The scholars though weren't students like us, so I think that doesn't really count. =D

It was really fun. Even if our class wasn't that close to each other, even if I knew nobody in the class, I was having fun. The fact that I always have fun whenever I get to dance could be one of the reasons, but still, you wouldn't have as much fun if what you're actually doing and the people you're with isn't fun. I started looking forward to every class that we're going to have, and I didn't want it to end. So when they opened some new classes, and after checking the schedule, I enrolled once again, and I found myself at the studio every night from Mondays to Thursdays. It was only 1 hour per class so it wasn't really that tiring, it was just right. :) I also got to make new friends; my classmates were really nice. :)

The teachers then started talking about a recital in May; an inter-studio recital. It got me really interested and thought I would really love to be involved with the recital. There were some what ifs, and is it possible, and some other issues here and there, but still, it happened. If there's a will, there's a way, right? :)

*I just have to share this, it really struck me. I hope you get something from it too. :)*


One day, there was a small barrio of farmers who were praying for rain to come.
Every Sunday at church, they’d gather and pray for rain.

But one Sunday, the priest announced, “How can God give you rain if you don’t have faith?”

The farmers asked, “How do you know we have no faith?”

The priest said, “Every Sunday, you pray for rain. But how many of you are bringing an umbrella?”
No one in that church brought an umbrella.

The priest continued, “No one among you is prepared to receive the blessings you’re praying for.”
Next Sunday, people began to bring an umbrella.

And soon, the rain came.

Friend, are you prepared for your blessings?

Noah built the Ark before the rain came, not during or after.

You need to build your Ark today.

Do you really expect the answer to your prayer?

I’ve been praying for 1000 Feasts (our weekly gathering) spread all over the world.
In God’s own time, I expect it to happen.

But even today, we’re preparing for that blessing. We’re bringing our umbrella. We’re building our ark. How? We’re raising up 1000 Feast Builders through our School of Leadership.

Today, what’s your umbrella? Identify your umbrella and bring it with you.

Right now, there are some of you who are ready to give up on the dream God has placed in your heart.
Don’t give up. Because God isn’t giving up on you.

Oh yes, you may have to give up on your particular version on God’s dream for your life.

I remember Bishop Soc Villegas was telling me that he wanted to be a monk—alone in his hut, tending to a little garden. That was how he wanted to serve God. But God wanted Him to serve as a very busy priest and Bishop.

I love telling the story of how I was fixated on a 500 square meter property for our Community Center. It was a foreclosed property that the bank was selling. I wanted it so much, I’d visit it many times—and when no one was looking—raise my hand towards it and “claim” it to be ours. (If I saw someone walking on the street, I’d pretend I was just checking the fence.)

I was tenacious. I told the tiny Light of Jesus community then to fast. I even scheduled a 3-night vigil to pray for the place. We also went into massive fundraising. We went Christmas Caroling in August.

But one day, we received the news: Someone else bought the property from the bank. We were devastated.

I remember our prayer meeting the week we found out. It was as if I was attending a funeral. Some people were even crying.

But ten years later, God answered our prayer. We finally acquired a property. This taught us that God’s timing isn’t our timing.

Physically, they may be gone. But in our hearts and minds, they will remain forever.

When a loved one's sick, and the doctors have already told you that they're not going to last very long, how do you prepare yourself? Simple. You just can't.

It is always hard to lose someone you love. Even though each time you see them you think that they're not going to last very long, when that moment comes, it just happens, and will still take you by surprise.

Me and my brother, together with our cousins (in our mom's side) are lucky to have a number of grandmothers and grandfathers to whom we've grown very close to. We owe it all to our parents, uncles, aunts, and of course to our grandmothers and grandfathers. They did a very good job of keeping the family close; keeping the family together. Lola Felisa and Lolo Entong must be very happy and proud of their bunch. :) We'll do our very best to continue this.

I have a problem, and I need your help.

You see, I am in love. Rather, I think I am in love, with someone I know I can't have.

And I can't seem to determine when enough is enough.

Question: When you love someone, even if you know you can't have them, do you stop loving them?
Follow-up question: And if you do, how?

I know a lot of people consider Valentine's Day to be a day for couples, or those who have their significant others. I used to think about it that way too, but time changes everything. So now, even if I don't have my special someone, I've felt Valentine's Day in a way and celebrated it too as well.

Here was how I "celebrated" my February 14, 2011.

I was all dressed up. Haha! It looked like I will be having a date at the end of the day (an officemate actually asked me if I had one because I was wearing a dress), but honestly, I just felt like being all girly. Besides, I had my foot spa, mani-pedi, and a haircut the previous day. Yes, I'm all set and prepared for V-Day, even without a date.

I heard a story over the radio yesterday, a love story to be specific. It was about this guy who fell for this girl when they were still in high school, but he never actually got to be with the girl even if he thought that time that she was ‘the one’, the girl that he was going to marry. He was persistent though, they had an open communication with each other even if they were both committed to other people, even telling stories to each other about their current relationships. The guy would make sure that he would make time for the girl whenever the girl came back to the Philippines from some other country. And when the girl’s about to come home, he would also do something that would make him and his current girlfriend quarrel.

So it seemed as if the guy never forgot about the girl, or whatever he had for the girl. While the girl really didn’t quite like the guy the way the guy liked her, at first. Eventually, she became into him too. According to the guy, they really didn’t become official girlfriend/boyfriend to each other, but now, after 10 years or so, they’re engaged to each other.

She was indeed ‘the one.’

A fitting example for the saying ‘good things come to those who wait.’

Who else could manage the same patience as this guy has? I wonder if I would be able to have the same kind of patience…or if I would meet a guy who’s that patient and/or persistent. Hahaha.

Valentine’s Day is 4 days away, but love is already in the air.

P.S.
Here’s what could be the start of something new. But it got rejected almost immediately. Oh well, as what it says, “Let’s try another day.” :))

I have this Bo Sanchez Soulfood Newsletter that I receive in my email frequently. I think it was my mom who got me into it. I'm not sure if it's weekly or monthly, but what I'm sure of is that I don't really read them, thinking that they're too serious. I just open the message, browse through it, and sometimes even delete it, or just simply ignore it. But this time, I actually cared to read one because I was intrigued by what's written on the subject: Warning: If You Don't Design Your Future, Someone Else Will

It turned out to be a really nice article. Not that serious really, and it made me remember the life stories that was at the back of the Kerygma magazines we used to get at school which had some really good stories. The short article made a whole lot of sense, though I'm sure only those who are or will be committed to it could actually do it. Below is the actual content of the email.

For many, Sunday is usually their family day. For us, it has to be any time of the week, as long as we’re together sharing nice stories with good food.

January 15, 2011 marked one of my Lola’s 83rd birthday. She is one of my mom’s aunts, and we are very close to her as well. She is the one who always cooks good food for us whenever we have family gatherings at their place. But that has now changed.

She is battling with the big C (lungs). She has had it for quite some time now, and she’s not taking medications anymore. She has done chemotherapy before, but has now refused the oral chemotherapy. We, as a family, have accepted whatever decision she’s made. All we could do is pray for her, care for her, and make her happy while she’s still with us; thus, the birthday party; and just let her do the things that she wants to do her way.

Angry Birds time!

JJ,Dei,Ella (Dei is supposed to be JJ and Ella's niece =P)

*No, I am not singing ala-Troy/Gabriella. :))*

I am back blogger world! I am officially blogging in to the year 2011. Hooray! How has it been for you guys? We’re already in the 6th day of 2011, will you look at that. Have you started with your new year’s resolutions yet? I haven’t even listed mine.

Anyway, if you’ve noticed, I’ve changed my blog’s design. New blog for the New Year, well, not literally new but at least I’ve given it some makeover, right? I’m still not 100% satisfied with it though. Help me, what do you think of the new design? Comments and suggestions are very much welcome! :)

As this is my first ever post for 2011, let me share with you some pictures from our holiday celebrations!

Christmas eve with my mom and kuya; my uncle who lives alone in at the house in Pasay; my tito, tita, and cousin next door; my other cousin and her family who lives a street away from us; and my uncle and cousin who came over all the way from the States to spend their holidays with us! Food, pictures, laughter, and pure fun!

*I'm trying to revamp my blog so forgive me if I won't be posting as much for now. :)*



....and Quadricentennial Celebration na! :)