think rainbows

For days now, I’ve been having a lot of these random thoughts. About things I want to do with my life, in the present, and in the future. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s frustrating, even useless at times. I have them all in my head, but I don’t know how to put them into action.

I kind of don’t like the fact that I don’t know how to put them into action, or when I can actually put them into action, but I am happy that at least I have these thoughts which I could use as my goals. I want to do them, I want to try them all, but I can’t. I can’t because I am stuck to where I am right now. I know it’s wrong that I am ranting about what I am doing while others are getting their asses whooped just finding a decent job to be able to help their families.

I am thankful and do consider myself as one of the lucky few who were able to land a job in only a couple of months after we graduated. But I just can’t help not feeling good about what I am doing at times. Yes, I may have been lucky, but I’m not that happy. As it goes on, the more that I realize that I am not for this kind of job, or for this particular field in IT. I’m not saying that I don’t want to be an IT person anymore. I still do. Just not this kind.

I don’t know if it’s just really me, or it’s in the actual job that I’m doing, or it’s in what was assigned to me, or whatever it could be. I don’t know if I’m becoming choosy or whatever. But what I know is I want something that would interest me; something where I could find happiness when I do it and I don’t have to push myself to do it. I have a whole lot of time to think about it and find it, I’m just having a head start, for more options, more opportunities! Though sometimes it’s also good to just go with the flow, but a little directing here and there won’t hurt either, right? Hopefully, I’ll be able to find and do something just like that someday.

Another thing is, I want to go out, I want to mingle, I want to socialize more, I want some new found friends. I feel like I just want to be out there. I want to be more dynamic. I feel like I’m losing it. I want to have fun! I just don’t know how to do it or where to start. But I kind of feel light throughout this day actually, except when I was on my way home. But still, kind of weird actually, I don’t really know what I was feeling or anything. Probably right now, I am “in search” for something I don’t know what, I can’t determine which, and I can’t say where. Let’s see where this would lead me, and for how long. Kind of just in time for the change of year!