think rainbows

I suddenly realized I haven’t created my birthday blog yet!
*Birthday blog: A blog where one would share how they celebrated their birthday.

June 25, 2010

I woke up feeling normal, like any other ordinary day. But it immediately came to my mind that it’s my birthday! I had to wake up early because we attended the 6am mass, and then we went straight to McDonald’s, I treated my mom and dad to breakfast, and then they dropped me off at the office. Of course they were the first ones who greeted me on my very special day.
I needed to arrive at the office earlier than usual too, because I filed a half day leave, so I had to be able to make it to around 8am so that I could leave the office at 12noon. I arrived around 8:10 I think, and when I arrived at my table, there was this plushy or just his small stuffed toy of wall-e, and a note written ‘Happy Birthday’. I sort of guessed that it was Alvin’s handwriting, and I was right, ha-ha. That was the first surprise of my day, and there was also a small note from Nica, greeting me a happy birthday as well. Then my day went on normally, but with a lot of greetings here and there, text messages, tonic messages, gtalk messages, ym messages, personal messages, and even in tumblr, twitter, plurk, and facebook! Another surprise was Casey’s tumblr post, where she made a picture with Pooh and his friends on it, with a greeting for me. It was really cute! And there was also this video of Pooh, I think that was a talking or singing stuffed toy or something, she said she found it on youtube and decided to share it for me, because I really like Pooh. :)I didn’t have lunch with my officemates anymore, and I went straight home. When I arrived, my dad cooked spaghetti and my mom cooked fried chicken. Those two dishes would never be missed during my birthday, always. And my dad even bought this big rectangular cake with a Happy Birthday greeting for me, and even candles for me to blow! It was really cute, and sweet, and thoughtful. I actually told my dad I wanted a cake, but I was just expecting a chocolate cake or something, and not like this. So before we ate lunch, I made a wish and blew my cake.Then I just spent the afternoon at home, I even slept, and we had dinner at Max’s restaurant. I treated them of course, and we tried the unlimited chicken at Max’s. Then after, I told my mom and dad I wanted to go back to Sitcom, if one of my favorite performers is going to be there. When we checked, he wasn’t there, but I still decided to go and still celebrate my birthday there. And it was a very good decision, because we had so much fun! I think I just laughed all night long until I was in tears because of too much laughter. Those performers are really unbelievable, they’re very entertaining, and yet professional performers.

We had to go home early (yes, 1:30am was early) because we invited guests the next day for a simple party at home, for the celebration of my birthday, and for a sort of despedida for my dad who left last Sunday (June 27). I invited my closest high school friends, college friends, and officemates (sorry I couldn’t invite everyone, hindi ko pa carry, haha!). And of course we invited relatives, and even some of my mom’s friends whom I knew very well. It was supposed to be lunch but my guests started arriving around late afternoon, so it turned out to be merienda. But it was okay, because I was very thankful that they arrived. Even if not everyone whom I invited was able to come, especially with my high school friends, only one was able to come, I still had fun with them, and they came, that’s what’s important. :) Casey also gave me a gift, a Pooh pillow, and Rane gave me a cake from Red Ribbon, and Teng, Francis and Hanami gave me a slice of sans rival with matching candle-blowing. Thank you very much guys! :)

We finished a bit late at night already, and my college friends were the last to leave. Even though we were all tired, and sleepy, of course I still had to entertain them at least. Well I hope they had fun, because I did. :)

Once again, thank you to everyone who greeted me, remembered, and were generous enough to give gifts, and especially those who came last Saturday. This wasn’t the birthday that I was expecting, but it was definitely more fun! Sa uulitin! :D

Thinking about it, I think this quote is very fitting for me. You see, I tend to over-analyze things a bit at times. It’s sometimes beneficial, but it could also go a bit overboard. I think this time, my analytic capabilities proved something to me. It struck me at once when I got to read this quote. I got this from twitter, from TheDailyLove I think, and what really caught my eye is the line “because that’s the only way the universe could open it.”

When I was still in that relationship, the one which just recently ended, I felt like my whole world was too focused on what was going on between us; on what I wanted to do for him, for us, for what we had. Okay, so I’m just realizing this now that it’s all over. I know, too late eh? Nah, I don’t think so. Going back, I thought that what I was doing was beneficial for us, because I thought I was taking good care of our relationship. Well, I could’ve been right, but while I was doing something for what we had, I was neglecting more things with what I should have been doing for myself. Because I always wanted so much to spend time with him, thinking that we live too far away from each other, I was spending almost all of my free time either talking to him, or wanting to see him, or actually just being with him. Don’t blame me; it always made me feel happy whenever I was with him.
I still got to spend some time with my family and friends of course, but still, it was like I encased myself too much in ‘our world’. It even came to a point where I was becoming selfish of him. There was this time when we were in a mall, and one of my close friends was there too. Of course I wanted to see her, but I was with him, so I thought if she comes, she might disturb us or something, so I sort of made up things so that she won’t go to where we were anymore. I know, it was wrong, bitchy and all, but what’s done is done. This makes me think that it might be one of the reasons too why it ended. I’m not regretting that I did it, or that I was too absorbed by what we had, because if I didn’t do it, I might do it to the next one and never know that what I’m doing is wrong. At least I’m realizing it now, so I would know when I’m doing it again or not. (And I’m not saying that what he did is okay now, because it still is not.)

I actually did notice that this was happening, while we still had the relationship. I’ve tried to fix it, but I didn’t know how, or what to do. And then the next thing I knew it was already gone; there was nothing more that I could do. I did shut out myself from the world, which was totally not me. I was usually the one who was always present at gatherings, but that time, I started thinking twice whether I would attend or not. I usually just want to hang out at home, but that time, I would go anywhere just to spend time with him. I could have forgotten myself because I was doing things I never did before. I was learning, but at the same time I was also losing parts of me, which is wrong. I was supposed to be improving myself, not losing myself. Good thing it didn’t get any worse, because I couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened then.

I could say that I am now more open to what life gives me. I just go with the flow; I try not to outcast myself, even though at times it still creeps up a bit. I just have to be ready and stay optimistic with everything that comes my way. With the help of what I’ve experienced, with all the realizations I’ve been having, I am starting to become more mature in the process. I’m starting to learn life’s new teachings that I’ve only discovered now. As what they always say, everything starts with yourself. I love me, before I love you. :) (Sounds a bit conceited, but it's true most of the time, haha!) I could also say that I’ve started living once again, I’ve started knowing myself again, and I definitely intend to stay open, let my heart be open, for everyone, and for myself. :)